I bow down to all of those ladies that go it solo or without support from a significant other, friends or family the first few weeks post partum. It's a busy, often hectic time even with the support of loved ones.
Not only has your body gone through one of the toughest adventures but you also have this new little person, that you just met (and don't fully understand), to care for. I must say I think that little person serves as an AMAZING distraction from the awkward and sometimes uncomfortable things your body is going through as it heals. I'm quite certain that if I didn't have the little girl around needing my attention I would have sat on the couch all day thinking how badly hemorrhoids hurt.
The hubs literally hit the ground running. He did an amazing job jumping right into daddy/mommy caretaker from the get-go. Newborns certainly don't follow any kind of schedule but we tried to get ourselves into a routine to help things run more smoothly.
For those that are curious, here are the post partum support tips for the first couple weeks home that worked for us...
1. Mama: Nap when baby naps. I'm serious. When the nurses at the hospital first suggested to me I admittedly thought "umm yeah right. THAT's realistic." But it is a life/sanity saver. I know for most of us this is only a feasible "task"for the first few days, but it will make a world of difference. Sometimes I had to force myself (okay Tim forced me) to nap, but I was always glad that I gave in. The dirty dishes, and the to-go containers that are piling up will still be there. You'll get to them when you get to them, and if you're lucky your support person will take care of all that.
2. Mama: Do what you need to do to make you feel good or normal. Before I had the baby, I didn't know what this would be. I envisioned myself rocking out sweatpants or yoga pants all day e'ryday but after spending a few days in loungewear at the hospital I actually wanted to wear "regular clothes." For me it felt good to know that I was still ME and not "mommy monster." Don't get me wrong, by late afternoon I was in loungewear, but that ME time to shower and actually get myself ready made me feel good. So do what makes YOU feel good, whatever that may be.
3. Daddy or main support person: Don't ask, just do. Tim did an incredible job taking care of things. He didn't ask "what do you want me to do?" or say "just let me know what you want me to help with." He just knew. If it was lunch time, he made lunch. If the baby filled her diaper, he changed it. If the laundry was piling up, he washed it. This was such a wonderful gift. I know there are countless things he did without me even knowing. It was so nice to not even have all those "to-dos" on my radar. And honestly, if he would have asked "What can I do to help?" I probably would have given the generic "It's okay, I've got it!" response.
4. Mama and Daddy: Decide if and when you want visitors. Since we live far from our family all of our family visitors were scheduled in the form of advance purchase plane tickets. We had decided we didn't want family to fly in for the delivery. It just wasn't our style, and we also didn't want someone to spend the money on plane tickets and then have the little nugget not arrive until they day they were scheduled to depart. We scheduled the first visitor for 2 weeks after her due date. We knew that that would mean we would have at least 1 week for ourselves, to get used to everything that being a new parent brings. For us, this was the best decision ever. For example, there were a few days early on that I had trouble breastfeeding, and having visitors staying with us while we were trying to figure things out would have stressed me out. By the time we had our first visitor we were more established in our practices which meant this girl was a heck of a lot calmer. This definitely may not be the best approach for everyone, so I think it is important to figure out, especially if you are going to have visitors actually staying in your home.
5. Mama and Daddy: Share baby duty. It's not a race. It's not a competition. Turns out you DON'T get a gold star for being a supermom who does it all during your baby's first week of life. Split the responsibility. Tim and I didn't have a plan with regards to this; it just sort of happened. He took care of the little one all day, aside from feedings because I was nursing (more on that in a different post). This allowed me to rest and recover, so that I could be fully alert and not overwhelmed when it was my turn to love on the little lady. I took care of her at night. I had to be up every few hours to feed her anyway, so this just made sense. Tim got a full night of sleep and then he could be the best dad ever during the day. I know a lot of people have the mentality of "if I have to be up all night so should he!!" but for us that just didn't make sense. We felt like Miss Makaela benefited more from having alert (read: not cranky) parents.
6. Get out of the house. Change up your environment. Anyone who knows me knows I'm GREAT at being lazy. I can keep the couch comfy all day while watching marathons on HGTV or Netflix. But this girl actually started to go stir-crazy! After a couple days it began to feel like that movie Groundhog's Day. The days just sort of rolled into one another and each action was just repeated over and over. I found that having an outing or different activity each day to shake up the mix was a wonderful thing. Somedays that outing was just a walk around our community, other days it was a meal out or a trip to the grocery store. Baby girl travels well, so this was really enjoyable for us.
7. Mama and Daddy: Don't be afraid to seek help. Our hospital did a great job of educating us about the signs of baby blues and post partum depression. Both are very common and neither are anything to be ashamed of. I didn't run into this personally, but both Tim and I made sure we knew the signs and were familiar with the resources available to us. Your whole world changes QUICKLY when you have a baby and it is easy to become overwhelmed. Trust me, we did a lot of "is XYZ normal" or "what should we do if...." GOOGLE-ing.
8. Mama and Daddy: Trust yourself. There isn't a "Complete Guide to being a Parent" book out there with the answers on how to raise YOUR baby. Right from the get-go Tim and I tried to trust ourselves and didn't let worry get out of proportion. It is scary at first thinking that you are responsible for another life, but it is totally manageable. We operate on trial and error. If the baby was fussy we just tried different things until we found the solution. Maybe she wanted to eat, maybe she needed a diaper change, maybe she wanted to snuggle, maybe she wanted to be rocked, maybe she needed her belly massaged. We kept the mentality of "you can't expect different results if you keep doing the same thing." For example, if I was rocking her and she was getting fussy, I wouldn't keep rocking her, I'd try something different! Everyday your confidence in your own ability grows.
9. Savor every moment. So many people told me the time will fly by and "enjoy it" because they'll grow up before you know it. This is so true. Babies change EVERY day. Remind yourself how new they are to this world and that your job is to love them and support them through all of their daily challenges. Heck, I wouldn't want to be a newborn - no control of your hands, can't hold up your own head, and your only way to communicate is through crying....no thanks! For some, it is love at first sight when their baby is born. For others, it takes time to get to know this little person and REALLY fall in love with them. Both are okay! There really is nothing better than that feeling you get when your little one looks into your eyes; you are their world.
10. Also, I would highly recommend The Wonder Weeks. There is a book and a basic app. For some reason, this book just really made sense to me. It explains that different "leaps" a baby goes through. Just when you think you've figured out your baby and their routine, all of a sudden they wake up and you wonder who replaced your child with another baby. This book explains when to expect those changes, and how to get through them. So far it has been spot-on for us, and it helps me to be confident in my abilities. I actually get proud of myself that I recognize the "signs," haha. Around 5 weeks, all of a sudden Makaela became a little fussy and clingy. This was not typical of her. It was at this time that I discovered this book, and it totally calmed my nerves. Just this past week her behavior became a little out of the norm again, and sure enough when I pulled out the book I discovered she was right on schedule for another "leap" period. I promise you won't see me on a informercial, I just liked the book!
Someone is hungry, but I still have a few other post partum suggestions in mind with regards to feeding, working out etc. Another day, another post I suppose :)
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